Ayal Katha Ezhuthukayanu

After a hectic day in office, Vinesh told me that he wanted to take a break from work. (But didn’t he take that a week back?)

“No Ashwin, I am thinking about a vacation for a month”

Oh, that long. Planning to go out some where like Thailand? (Thailand has been Vinesh’s most sought-after holiday destination after his friend Naveen described his trip to Bangkok)

"No. I am planning to write a story for a Malayalam movie”. (Did he hear someone saying that there is a shortage of good scriptwriters in Mollywood?)

I had no intention to discourage him when he said this as I knew I am going tgo get something for my blog. “So have you started?”

“No I am reading some English novels and am trying to adapt it for Malayalee audience. I have shortlisted a few books”

“Vinesh, since you are taking a one month vacation. Why don’t you go to Thailand and start writing the script?”

He somehow liked my idea and then started discussing his storyline with me.

"I need 2 bungalows and the distance between them should be 5 kms (this reminded me of - dummy to dummy 3 feet from Oru CBI Diarykurrippu) and there should be outhouse in one of the houses and it should be in a hilly area".

Hmmm…Is he talking about Munnar? Yes. Mr Naveen , please be aware of this. One of that could be your house.

But Vinesh had a very interesting story. Never heard of in Indian Cinema history with interesting twists and turns. In short it is something like this

The story is about the love story of a rich boy and a poor girl. The hero (rich boy) goes to Madras for his higher studies. One day the boy sent a gift to the girl – a mobile phone. But since it is a hill station there was no mobile network for this particular service provider. So she used to wait for this guy everyday at the bus stop. There was a tea shop close to the bus stop. The girl used to drink a cup of tea daily while she waited for the bus. Soon she became close to the tea shop owner. One day the hero came back from Madras. The girl is happy to see him back while the tea shop owner is not. He had some other things in his mind. So he organized a football match between his team and the hero’s team. Hero gets injured in the match and ends up in a wheelchair. One day while the hero was moving in the wheelchair through the road, the tea shop owner puts some nails on the road. The tyre of the wheel chair gets punctured, looses control and the hero falls off the cliff. (How ridiculous!!!)

After some melodrama, the shop owner proposes to the girl. The girl agrees to the proposal only towards the end scenes of the movie. But just before the marriage takes place, they see a wheel chair coming towards the marriage hall and in that the hero is sitting there with a few bandages. Now the girl must decide on who she should marry.

Vinesh says he is yet to finalize the climax for the movie but such a family thriller is yet to hit the screens in Kerala.

Maybe he is right….This is one of its kind. Any takers?

Kuttappanum Tomachanum - Part 2

“Vinesh how much does it cost for an air gun”

“Are you looking for Russian or German?” Vinesh asks Kuttappan ( as if he is a full time arms dealer).

“I don’t know. But it should be good. What’s the difference between those two Vinesh?”

Vinesh thought for a while and said “German guns sometime use pre-compressed air as the source of energy to propel the projectile”

“So???”

“Hmmm…Don’t ask me silly unwanted questions, Kuttappa”

“So can you get me a German Gun?”

“No”

“So what about Russian?”

“I only know that you can get them from Russia, Uzbekistan and Azerbaijan”

“Can you get me a simple air gun?”

“Ok. But it may cost you some money”

And finally for some undisclosed amount of money, Vinesh brought Kuttappan an air gun.

The deal made both Kuttappan and Vinesh happy. Vinesh was able to get rid of an old gun from his friend’s house and was able to treat his friends at a local bar for 1 whole week!!!
Ratish who was there with Vinesh asked him “Where did you get this much money”
“Aa Kuttapane veendum pattichu!” (I fooled Kuttappan once again!)

Kuttapan was overjoyed when he saw his own air gun. But still he had a problem. Being a perfectionist, he wanted to get himself dressed as a hunter. He browsed through some images and photos of a few famous hunters and then got himself a dress.

Next day he wanted to kill the cat. Early morning he got himself dressed and took the gun and went in search of the cat.

His sister saw him in that uniform and asked her mother “Amme, kuttaapaan enthinaa Shikari Shambu ine poole nadakunne? Collegil fancy dress competition undo? (Mother, why is Kuttpan walking like Shikari Shambu? Is there any fancy dress competition in his college?).

Kuttapan heard that and wanted to react. But he remembered that he was on an important mission and should not be disturbed by other thoughts.

Kuttapan found Tomachan sleeping on top of the wall. He took the gun, made sure that it is loaded, took the aim and pulled the trigger. Only one spring jumped out of the gun with some sound and not the pellet and it fell down near Kuttappan .

Hearing all these noise Tomachan woke up, stretched himself and stared at Kuttapan as if to say “Evan enne manasamadhaanamaayi uragaanum samathikille?”(Will this guy ever let me sleep in peace?) and left the place.

Kuttappanum Tomachanum - Part 1

“Tomaacha…... come here and sit” Kuttapan called his pet cat. Kuttappan got this cat as a present when he passed out of his school with flying colors. Since he was an ardent fan of “Tom and Jerry” cartoons, he named his cat – Tomachan.

Within a few days they became thick buddies. Tomachan would wait anxiously for Kuttappan to reach home so they can have food together. Things went on well for a few months until the day Tomachan did the biggest mistake in his life.

Kuttappan was an ardent fan of Bill Gates and his products. He waited for months together to see the launch of Windows XP and get his hands on it. One fine day his uncle brought him the much awaited XP CD and Kuttappan was delighted. He called up a few of his friends and told them about the additional features of XP over other operating systems. A few people like Ritu and Priya congratulated Kuttappan without even knowing what he was talking about. Before installing it in his computer, he took it to Tomachan and opened it and showed the CD. But just then Kuttappan had a call from one of his friends Santhosh who called to enquire about Kuttappan’s health thinking that Windows XP was an epidemic.

Kuttappan convinced Santhosh that he was not a victim of any disease and went back to his room and got the shock of his life. Tomachan was smiling at Kuttapan and while scratching the XP CD. Kuttapan got violent and kicked Tomachan out of the room. He tried installing it in his computer but the CD wouldn’t work. He was devastated.

Finally Kuttappan decided to call up his best friend Vinesh for help.

PD Kathakal - First Valentines Day Gift

On the Valentines Day just after his marriage, Mr PD decided to be quite romantic and went to a shop in the morning to buy a gift. Since it was their first Valentines Day he wanted something that would surprise his wife and give himself a good image booster.

But he wasn’t quite sure as to what to buy. He thought for sometime…… How about some Chocolates??(Well he buys them whenever he has a fight with his wife), then how about a diamond ring?? (He didn’t have to think about that too long as he knew that its expensive). Then suddenly he remembered TEDDY BEAR!!!!!! (His wife loves teddy bears)

PD to the shopkeeper: “Do you have teddy bears?”

Shopkeeper: “Yes Sir, its there in the first Floor”

PD goes there and checks the teddy bears. Well everything was costing somewhere between Rs.500/- to Rs.3000/-. Just then PD attention was diverted towards a big monkey in that bunch.

Out of sheer curiosity PD asks the shopkeeper “How much for that monkey?”

Shopkeeper replies: “It’s not a monkey. That’s a mirror!!!!”

PD Kathakal - Dance Pe Chance

Tears rolled down from his eyes as he stepped on to the dais to receive the award. Not one, but three!!!. It was the annual day celebrations at the quarters where my friend PD (Suresh P D) was staying. He remembered the days when his previous boss Ashok Nair would call him and give the increment letter, but an award?? He did not have a speech prepared for the audience as the last time he got an award was when he was studying in 2nd Std, that too 2nd prize for frog jumping.

The annual celebrations got off to a colorful start on Thursday 22nd March 2007, 6.30 pm at Vazhuthacaud, Trivandrum. The initial speeches bored PD a bit, but the girls in the audience inspired him more. The cultural activities started with folk dance by some inmates of the quarters. But as soon as the next announcement came, the audience had a shock of their life like the one as you too are going to have.

"Calling Suresh PD and his wife to the stage for presenting the Gujarathi Dandiya dance". PD and his wife were dressed in the traditional Gujarathi attire (remember “Doli Taro” in Hum Dil De Chuke Sanam). Both of them danced to the tunes of the gujarathi hit number "Gujju Gujju hoi hoi..Ganja Ganja Boi Boi..". The so-called dance lasted for 3:26 min and the audience were spellbound by the mezmerizing performance and even forgot to applaud when it was over. It was later learned that PD and his wife had practiced this dance for 3 weeks before the show.

PD went to the dais and took the awards for the best costume, best couple, and for the best dance steps!!!

The Curious Case of Ramakrishnan Gopalan - Episode 1

The Ghost Story:

“Have you ever seen a ghost, Ashwin?” Ramakrishnan (RK) asked me that question a few months back. For a moment I just stared at him. “Don’t worry, I am not a ghost” said RK. But seeing that I was not fully convinced after the question, he told me that he had met a ghost yesterday and wanted to narrate that incident to me, if I accompanied him for a cup of tea. On the way we met Lloyd who too wanted to hear the ghost story from RK.

After the late night calls in the office, RK started smoking his 23rd cigarette for that day. He got into the car and was about to drive when suddenly someone came and asked him whether he has an extra cigarette. RK knew that he had just 2 more left and if he gives that he will not be able to complete his daily quota of 25. Unwillingly he gave the person one. The person asked for the lighter also. RK gave it and advised him to keep a stock of all these in future. RK started off and but immediately realized that the other person has not given back the lighter. RK rushed back to the spot and tried to find him. He couldn’t find anyone there. Suddenly someone caught him from behind. It was a security guard.

“What are you doing here?”
“I am searching for a person who took my lighter”
“There is no one here. The last person who stepped out of this place is you”

RK explained the whole situation to him.

“Sir I was watching you coming here, lighting the cigarette and going in the car. No one was there with you!!”

RK was completely taken aback. He got into the car and started driving slowly.
As soon as RK was out of the main gate, he saw someone by the roadside, waving hands at him. RK stopped the car and found that it was the same person to whom he had earlier given the lighter. He gave the lighter to RK and thanked him for all the help.

“Oh my god, I thought I was imagining a lot of things these days. Small incidents like these make me feel that I am still a normal person” RK told himself with a smile.

That night at around 2 O’ clock RK heard a knock in the window. He was not scared as he did not realize what was happening. As he opened the window he saw the same person outside. Before RK could say anything, the person asked for a cigarette.

“How did you find my house?”
“I knew that you had one more cigarette with you” – the man said
“So…”
“Please give it to me”
“No. I need it for later”
“Ok. Then can I come and sleep inside your house as it is very cold outside?”

RK ran and took the last cigarette and gave it to the person as he did not want more trouble. He saw the person going to the gate and then vanished somewhere.

Lloyd started laughing as the story ended. “I think you had a nightmare yesterday, RK”

RK was quite serious - “Don’t laugh at me like this. Once something like this happens to you, then you will start believing me”

But that did not stop the smile on Lloyds face. Soon Lloyd went to the tea shop and brought tea for all of us. But then RK was not to be seen. Lloyd went out and came back running to me.

“Hey Ashwin, I think there is some problem with RK. I think he is speaking to himself or else he is speaking to the ghost. Come out and see for yourself”

I went out with Lloyd and found RK speaking to himself

Seeing us staring at him RK came to us and said “Guys I am on a call and speaking on my new Bluetooth headset!!!”

Oridathoru Phayalvaan

"Who is this Phayalvaan, Ashwin??" A lot of my friends asked me this question after seeing my previous post. As I expected the real "Phayalvaan" after reading it, threatened me with dire consequences if I write something about him here. I convinced him that I will change the topic. But if I do that I will not be able to sleep properly at least for the next one month. So for all you guys here's the incident.

2 weeks back. 11 pm

"Sir, it is time for us to close the bar" - A waiter at the Horizon Hotel bar told Vinesh.

"One more peg, please. Last order".

Being a regular customer waiter had no option but to go back and get another peg of JDF brandy.

Naveen George, who came to accompany Vinesh was quite surprised at the way Vinesh was drinking that day . He was quite sure that something was wrong somewhere.

"What is this Vinesh. Why do you drink too much. It is bad for your health. I have told you many times. Why dont you listen to somebody. Your wife was complaining about the same last week".

Vinesh gave a stern look to Naveen with great difficulty as he couldnot even lift his head properly after 5 pegs.

"Did you have a fight with your wife today, Vinesh?"

"No.."

"Any problem with work at office?"

"No.."

"Did Ashwin record any of your conversations with any girl and play that recorded conversation to your wife?"

"Not today"

"If that is the case whats bothering you?"

"I saw Vaaranam Aayiram and Ghajini"

"Oh, were they bad movies??"

"No.. they were really good movies. I saw those movies 3 times already"

"Was that the problem then?"

"Keep Quiet, Let me complete it...After seeing Suriya and Aamir Khan in those movies I am also planning to have a six pack abs"

Naveen couldnot stop laughing. After hearing it Naveen who just had 2 pegs that day, ordered for 2 more pegs.

"What are you planning to do, Vinesh?"

"Well start going to a good gym...appoint a personal trainer...go on strict diet etc etc..."

"Does your diet include 5 pegs of JDF every day??"

"It’s not a joke, Naveen. I have made many strong decisions in the past that could not be fulfilled..Thats true...But this time I have taken a stronger decision." (Sounds more like asking KF and KF Strong)

"Fine when are you starting and who is advising you?"

"I already had a discussion with my team mate Lloyd and he had asked me to take push ups & sit ups daily"

"Oh... did you talk to him today, Vinesh"

"No he was on leave today as he cannot stand up after lifting a 30kg barbell in the gym"

"Thats good....I mean..that was bad.When are you starting?"

"From next week itself ..."

After a week:

Naveen calls up Vinesh to check how his first day at the gym was.

"Hello Vinesh, are you in office today"

Naveen was able to hear some funny sounds only.
Smelling something fishy, Naveen calls up Vinesh's wife.

"Soumya...what happened to Vinesh"

"This man asked to me to wake him up at 5 am as he wanted to go to the gym. He went jogging 3kms to his gym and after an hour came back in an ambulance. He is unable to stand, sit or speak. But still every 10 minutes he is asking me to check if he has already got that six packs"